Being Emo and Keeping it Real

By Peter Huang, former Doulos (Class 2008)

Read: Psalm 27 (then read it again)

I never realized how amazing the psalms were until I thought about them in terms of music. For me, music is not simply aural pitches arranged in an organized manner. Rather, it can be corridor into someone’s soul or liberation from one’s mind. I find the greatest music ever written to be drawn out of a composer’s heart; from the very depths of his/her emotions.

In this psalm, King David cries out to God from his very core. His feelings involve: a confidence in God (v. 1-3), delighted meditation (v. 4-6), fearful desire for God (v. 7-12), and renewed confidence in God (v. 13-14). It is through this journey of realization that David comes to the ultimate conclusion of “…seeing the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.”

But how does this relate to us? Hopefully, you do not have evil men trying to devour your flesh and I never heard anyone say, “My enemies and foes will stumble and fall.” What I have gained from this passage is an understanding that being real with God involves being true to our emotions. This idea was hard for me to grasp especially growing up in the Asian culture where I always thought it was normal to hide my emotions. I sometimes thought it was a weakness if someone was depressed, agitated, or even joyous. But God did not make us robots. He did not intend for us to put on a fake image. He wants all of us in our entirety; the good, the bad, and the ugly. How are we to really know God’s goodness if we hide our true feelings from God?

I find Pastor Ben a good example of keeping it real. He has been in a position where being a good leader can be mixed up with looking good; where emotions are sometimes judged as weaknesses, Pastor Ben has always been genuine with the Youth Group. I remember going with a group to Taiwan for a short term mission trip summer 2008. We were going to teach English and hold a Vacation Bible School for children. Prior to leaving, we all felt prepared and we expected to have a great time. However, our first day teaching did not go as planned for a lot of us including Pastor Ben. As we gathered to meet at the end of the day, Ben did not hide anything from the group. He did not pretend that the day went well and that he was “happy”. Instead, he brought himself before God with all his emotions and sought His goodness. Observing Ben’s example, the rest of the group did the same. I believe that this is one of the most important aspects of a holy leader: that he/she can humble themselves and “wait for the Lord.”

Friends, being real with God involves being true to our emotions. At the same time we must not let our emotions control us. Rather, we must lay them before God and be confident in his goodness.

Take some time to reflect on your emotional state. What are you feeling? Exhausted? Agitated? Worried? Are there any feelings you are hiding from God? An exercise that may be helpful is writing a letter God. Honestly tell Him how you are feeling and why you are feeling this way.