What’s Missing From Sex Talks

Read: 1 Corinthians 6: 12-20

Just by the NIV title of the section, you know what this post is about. I don’t believe in “skirting the issue” by fluffing it up or euphemizing sexual terminology, because the Church needs to grapple with this issue and face it. So as a disclaimer, if you don’t like frank sex talks, then just read the passage above and reflect over it. With that in mind, let’s talk about sex.

Sexual immorality happens because something is screwy about the sinner’s perception of him/herself. Now, that can mean either pride (you think too much of yourself), or poor self-esteem (you think too little of yourself). That’s why in the passage you’ve read, Paul warns that sexual sins are sins against one’s own body. Now, in Paul’s mind, sexual immorality was thought of as adultery, meaning someone has sex with another outside of marriage (this includes before marriage, by the way). Thus, if your body’s the temple of God, how can you unite the temple of God with the temple of a pagan god (prostitutes)?

But if we look at the whole biblical narrative (i.e. the entire Bible), we see that sexual immorality is not just constrained to having sex with prostitutes or having extramarital affairs. It includes pre-marital sex and homosexuality as well. It also includes masturbation. Quick tangent: if you read the Bible properly, as opposed to literally, you can see why masturbation is displeasing to God.

But here’s the kicker: this sex talk is not just about sex. This is an ethic about self-love. In church, we talk about loving others, which is great. But the second commandment says this: “love your neighbors as yourself.” How do you love your neighbors, then, if you do not love yourself? Which brings us to the question, how do you love yourself?

To love oneself involves the willingness to train yourself to practice what is good, to develop habits and thoughts that honor God. It is right and good to exercise everyday (something I struggle with...) to keep the body healthy, to eat right (hard in Singapore...) to be healthy , to take a shower everyday and keep your teeth well brushed and flossed for obvious reasons, etc. It is right and good to have good friends, male or female, to edify you and spur you on towards Christlikeness.

I believe that many times we are tempted to sin sexually because something, or someone, has bewitched us into thinking that you’re not enough. You’re too fat. You’re too anti-social. You’re too messy. You don’t have good enough grades. You don’t have that glamorous job. You’re not enough!! Or, maybe it’s the other way - someone has lulled you into thinking that you’re the definition of enough. Nobody looks better than you. Nobody has more friends than you. You’re the fashionista with the 5.0 GPA! Sexual immorality is often linked to poor self-esteem or to pride because if you don’t think right about yourself, you easily sin against yourself.

If we notice carefully, we see that sexual immorality seems to be a struggle that can be only dealt with as a community. If you see yourself poorly, you can’t help yourself now, can you? So you need the help of the Church. How does the Church fight pride or poor self-esteem? The world accepts only those who fit within their view of acceptability. Good, sexy ladies, or buff and cut men. The Church, on the other hand, throws her doors open widely to accept everybody! I know that in the Asian church, we quickly filter out people we think undesirable. From my experiences in Taiwan, China, and Singapore, this “social selection” is the Asian way.

But in the Church, we’re Christian first, then Anglican, Alliance, Chinese, or whatever. We accept everybody. In youth group, you accept people who didn’t have that perfect 5.0 GPA. You accept the people who are working as janitors at Dominick’s. You love the fat, the lazy, the hei-run, those who barely have an income, if any. Yes, you may have a college degree, a master’s degree, or a PhD. You may be destined for Harvard or Yale. You may, for crying out loud, be predestined over and over again to be the next world dictator. But, by God, when a homeless fat black dude walks into the sanctuary smelling like pee, you will embrace him and welcome him to the community! That’s called being a Christian!
So I hope I’ve made my case, that (1) sexual immorality is really an accompaniment to many other sins that need to be dealt with, and (2) it is something that can only be dealt with as a community. Now, you and I are not the only ones struggling with lust and sexual sins, so for the prayer section, let’s do this. If you struggle with lust and sexual sins, talk about it with your prayer partner (if you don’t have one, talk to Ariel or Priscilla, who will assign you one for the week). It’s better to do it in person, but if that’s not possible do it by email.
Be frank and honest, and pray for each other over this. If your prayer partner struggles with pride, gently bring him/her down to reality. If your partner struggles with poor self-esteem, show them that they’re more than they think they are. And maybe even exhort each other to love themselves properly, to exercise, eat right, etc. Only together can we truly fight sexual immorality, pride, poor self-esteem, and other sins against one’s own body.

Wednesday: Pray for friends
Pray for your Christian friends, that they will not be swayed by outside pressures